Yup. I’m back. I am back at Weight Watchers and today was my first “Official” day back on the plan. I went to weigh in last night and rocked in at 212.8 pounds. Yes, I’m up and I’m not surprised at all. I’ve been handling things since I last wrote here badly. I was hit and miss with the Weight Watchers and the meetings. I wanted to lose - I hadn’t the willpower. I’d lost the va-va-voom. I felt like shit. I felt like I looked like shit. It’s probably the lowest I’ve felt emotionally in a very long time.

I think the biggie for me was when I went to my closet.

Then proceeded to pack away 2/3rds of it. That totally sucked. It was also I guess that time when I felt the most motivated to turn things around. If you’ve been following along - or not - I’ve been doing this for over 2 years now. When I first started I was kicking my weight in the ass. I got down to 193 for my wedding and I thought that there was no turning back.

With the wedding over - so went my enthusiasm to keep cutting back. Honestly I cheated every now and then and the weight didn’t go back on. I thought I could get away with more and more - and really I was just kidding myself hardcore. So now here I am. Back writing. Back on track. More determined this time. No more “Day One”… “Day Two”… not any of that.

When I was at the meeting last night it was the first of the New Year. My friend (who has been there as long as I have) went back right to the basics - as if she’d never been before. Right back at square one. For her it was coping with it all I suppose. A fresh start is what she needed.

I thought that was brilliant. Why dwell on the past - there is nothing I can do about it. I wanted a fresh start too. So, back to the drawing board - I went back and asked to start over as well. I was persuaded not too (too much paperwork basically) - but I did get my new 10% goal. That’s what I needed. I needed a direction. I needed to feel like this was going to be a journey that would be successful. Basically I needed a goal.

There it was in all it’s ball-point beauty: 191.8

21 Pounds.

So I have my goal. Would that be called a mid-range goal. Yes. I’m taking it all in stride. Here’s where I want to go:

• February 14th: I want to be 199 pounds - I would so love to be under 200 pounds!
• April 29th:  180 pound - it’s a Special day… and I’d love to be “skinny”.
• June 30th: At my goal weight of 163 pounds.

So the biggie is to lose 49.8 pounds.  Lets go with 50 pounds to make me totally happy!  I think 6 months is very realistic and I’m hoping to roll with about 10 pounds loss a month.  This also means I’ve got to step up and do it.

I’m so tired of feeling and looking the way I do - I’m going to do it.  For once in my lifetime I am going to get to my goal weight.  I’m going to get down and look hot and feel great that I will take the big step and go to the beach this summer in my SHORTS!  LOL.  That will be a major breakthrough

WW Weigh In: 205.8

I honestly hadn’t weighed myself at all the past week. Because it consisted of over-eating and knew exactly where the scale was going. At this weigh in - I pushed over the 2 pound gain mark. How sad is that. The last 2 weeks had been losses. In one week I’d gained it back and then some.

I’m so depressed.

Maybe that’s why I’ve been so hit and miss here. Depressed by gaining the weight all the while I’ve been going to Weight Watchers.

It’s been over a year and a half now.

Since my wedding last July I’m now 13 pounds heavier than last year this time.

I’m still going to Weight Watchers. I go because even though I’m 13 pounds heavier, if I stopped going I know I could easily be 300 pounds. I don’t want to be 300 pounds. This last year I’ve been bobbing and weaving and now I’m over 200. That place I never said I would go.

Here I am.

See my writing today is like a torrential downpour. It’s been a while but I’m glad to be back writing about it.

Weight: 193.0 - :: gain ::

I will have to admit that I’ve gone into seculsion.  Not because I’ve been gaining an insane amount of weight.  It’s just that I’ve not really felt like talking about it.  Terrible isn’t it.  I log in everyday to my Traineo account and state my weight for the day and how much exercise I’ve done.  It’s really weird, I just haven’t felt like posting here.

Maybe it’s because I don’t really think I’ve got a lot of terribly interesting news.  I don’t really feel (at the moment) wanting to talk about my problems and emotions and how crappy I feel right at the moment because I just ate a 12″ Quizos Sub and then another 6″ sub and a brownie.  Dammmmn it.  I ate and ate and ate.  I now feel like complete and utter shit.  Too much bread and now I’m totally and completely bloated and feeling like crap.

Last week I gained 1.2 pounds and now this week I’ve gained another .6.   So much for my weight loss roll there.  It lasted about 3 weeks.  Now I’m back to eating like I’m stupid.  Ah, tomorrow is a new week and I’ll kick it’s ass.  But damn, it’s so hard sometimes to break out of those old habits - have a bad weigh in and then go and jam as much food in my face as I possibly can.  I do that - I am fully aware of it, and here I go … again.

So tomorrow, Ladies and Gentlemen.  I start anew.