I’m trying to drink my 6 glasses of water a day - hoping that it will help with the hunger issues. I also would like to ban all Halloween candy from work. Damn it. I caved in and took some… 6 of those damn little chocolate bars and scoffed the lot. I would like to say I feel really bad for doing it… but I don’t. At least not at this moment in time. Tomorrow I’m sure I’ll be cursing the chocolate gods… but right now… I’m trying to let it go. Not beat myself up for a weak moment. Only at Day 3 and I’m having problems. Hmmm… I just want to slap myself upside the head for that.

I have to stay focused.

But I’ve ended up focusing on 3 mini pizzas… a wagonwheel and some trail mix (nuts, raisins, and chocolate pieces). All of which has put me WAY over my points.

Again… really trying not to beat myself up over my mess-up.

I will not sabotage myself.

I can’t do that again this week.

I’m running out of extra points!

Ah… no, it’s not going to be easy. I’m going to try to re-coup some of my losses by not eating anything else (after 7:00…) and drink some water. I’m hoping the water will flush some of the crap I just ate out of my system in time for a better weigh in tomorrow.

I’m thinking I’m going up - salt - too much of a good thing.

Crap.

Staying positive that tomorrow will be a good day. Taking it all in stride. Positive thoughts.

*sigh*

Weight: 198.0 - :: loss ::

This morning when I weighed myself I was totally stoked.  I had lost weight… and I was ready to face the day.  The day went alright up until the late afternoon.  Things got stressful.  I started to eat.  I didn’t stop eating till about 9:00 tonight.  I am so totally an emotional eater… at least tonight.

I am utterly sad.  This month my hubby and I combined our wages into a joint account.  This has totally turned my finances on it’s head.  I’m not sure what to do.  We have A LOT of debt.  His mostly… aquired before we got married… it grew because of us as well… so I’m to blame for not being able to say “NO”.  We’ve got a little trip planned, and it shouldn’t cost too much - but it’s more than what we have.  I don’t think there are any savings either.  It’s a right mess - and I’m eating and eating and eating.

How I hate myself right now.  I know better, I know I need to deal with stress in other ways - but I’m not dealing with it.  I’m eating it away… crap.

I think alot of what I feel, I need to be able to sort out - this is new… to both of us.  I feel like things are getting away from me.  Bills that I have usually paid, haven’t been paid.  That is stressing me.  I can pay them at the end of the month.  But it’s totally out of my rhythm.  I don’t know if I’m angry that things aren’t going well (ie: I’m paying my bills on time)… or the new situation… realizing how much debt we have… me trying not to spend… he still spends.  He seems oblivious at times.  It drives me mental.

But we’ll get it sorted.

Totally off the topic… but it did make me feel good - I can now wedge my fat ass into my size 12 jeans.  They’re stretchy… it could be the brand name… I don’t care.  I was on top of the world!  Tight… no worries!  I’ll stretch them out

Don’t worry about me… I just needed to get that off my chest.   We’ll get it sorted and we’ll start hitting that debt and I’ll start to feel better once we’re into a routine. It just isn’t always a breeze.

Weight: 199.8 - :: gain ::

I’m almost afraid to go weigh in….

… ok, I’ll be right back.

… I feel terrible.  I always do this to myself.  I have a kick-ass week and then I have a week of slacking and then wonder why I’m still as fat as I always have been.  I’ve got to get my shit together today, tomorrow and tuesday so that I’m not a complete fattie on weigh-in Tuesday night.

This weekend I got my monthly friend… then I went out for supper Friday night to a friend’s house that consisted of yummy high carbs and drinks.  I had 1 1/2 drinks, but still that’s off my “norm”.  Then Saturday, we went over to a couples’ house for dessert and games.  So that dessert could very well have screwed me too - yum… cake, icecream and chocolate sauce.  UGH.  So anyhoo… I’m trying today to get back on track.  Try to get in two workouts on the bike.  Try to get back on track.  Lose the fat feeling (which should be gone in a few more days… damn period).

Week Three is going to be me getting rid of my stash at work - licorice bites, small cookies (11 for 3 points… don’t have that many… but I don’t need them).  I just have to get rid of the crap.  Start stocking up on a fruit in the afternoon - cinnamon apples… doesn’t seem so bad and try to kill those cravings I have for chocolate.

I’ve heard that it takes 30 days to kill a craving… oh god.  That’s going to be hard!  But I’m going to have to do it,r I’m always going to be a fattie.   I was rockin’ it the first week, what happened to me??  Life got in the way -  I really have to work on that, that I can have things, but moderation perhaps.  It’s just so hard when others serve you and the portions go right out the door.

Any suggestions on how to cope with eating out? (at friends or at restaurants)