Home Weigh In: 206.8

I weighed myself this morning 3 times. I wasn’t getting smaller… in fact I was weighing in heavier.
I’m not impressed with myself at all. I need to buckle down and do something about it.

Today was one of those days where I was bored at work. So I had a whopping big chocolate/sweet craving. I wasn’t particularly hungery. I was craving. 10 minutes go by and I’m still having trouble. I caved and bought chocolate bars. I bought a dark aero bar - by all means “better” for me but still a terrible decision I know. But I’m dealing with it and part of a caramilk rolo chocolate bar. 1 and 1/2 bars - I feel shitty.

Then we had supper. Which I can’t even remember at this moment. Oh right I had 2 chicken fingers, 1 onion ring, 3 curly fries. The fries were hard. So it didn’t make much difference in really wanting them… couldn’t eat them.

Then we had soft ice cream. I really wasn’t going to. But I did. The family is all together for 2 weeks this summer and we went down and had some. It’s so hard to say no. See. Not quiet there yet. I will though.

I am determined.

I can do this. I can do this. This week I’m going to see a loss!

One of the women at the meeting, whom I hadn’t seen in a while had been fighting to lose her last 5 pounds. She did it. She looks great. I’m looking to her for the inspiration that I need to drop the weight and start looking better and feeling better about myself.

I look at myself in the mirror and see that horrid double chin that I had once lost… now it’s back. Crap. Inspiration is looking me in the eye. Right there. I should post a picture of myself on my fridge when I was my heaviest. That would be a pretty darn good deterent.

Last night when we got home, the hubby had cookies and as much as I wanted them… I didn’t. I even had 2 candies in my hand… and in the end I didn’t eat them either. I had one of those moments I have to boast about. I said “no”. Yeah! Me!

Weight: 204.8 - :: same ::

Back to work today and so I’m hoping the routine will help me get on track and I’ll have enough distractions at work that I won’t be thinking about food.

… well that thought before I went to work anyway. As soon as I got to work, I went for a coffee and what do you know - there’s a plate… a huge plate of christmas cookies. UGH. They looked great… but holy crap that god that there was another woman at work who’s doing the same thing as me (trying to lose weight) and we banned together and stayed strong for the day.

I didn’t cheat.

I didn’t eat any cookies.

Give me a gold star!

Weight: 199.6 - :: loss ::

It’s been a bit quite around here for the past couple of days… only because on the 20th I started Weight Watchers again. I’ve talked to you about me feeling like crap, and I totally did.  It sucked.  I hit bottom.  My pants were too tight, my tummy hang over the top - and no top in my closet fit me properly.  It was terrible.  I felt that it would be so very easy for me to go back to what I was.

I was honestly tired of feeling like my weight loss was a fight.  I had stopped fighting.  I started gaining instead.

Maybe subconsciously I gave up and ate whatever I wanted just to get it out of my system.  If I wanted chips and dip, I’d have chips and dip.  Chocolate… bring it on.  Snacks at work… oh baby.  I’d load up.

But binging on the Christmas goodness… I really never lost the guilt.  As much as I tried to stuff it’s mouth with christmas foodie goodness.  It never really went away.  The fact that I felt terrible on top of that….

I had to start again.

So I did on December 20th.

It’s harder than hell doing it right now.  So close to Christmas.  So much temptation.  So I’m not totally avoiding.  I’m just trying very hard not to go overboard.  And where I can, I’m avoiding it.  So far it seems to be working.  I’ve also come to the realization that Christmas comes EVERY year, so I might as well suck it up and start somewhere.

… wish me luck!