I’m trying to drink my 6 glasses of water a day - hoping that it will help with the hunger issues. I also would like to ban all Halloween candy from work. Damn it. I caved in and took some… 6 of those damn little chocolate bars and scoffed the lot. I would like to say I feel really bad for doing it… but I don’t. At least not at this moment in time. Tomorrow I’m sure I’ll be cursing the chocolate gods… but right now… I’m trying to let it go. Not beat myself up for a weak moment. Only at Day 3 and I’m having problems. Hmmm… I just want to slap myself upside the head for that.

I have to stay focused.

But I’ve ended up focusing on 3 mini pizzas… a wagonwheel and some trail mix (nuts, raisins, and chocolate pieces). All of which has put me WAY over my points.

Again… really trying not to beat myself up over my mess-up.

I will not sabotage myself.

I can’t do that again this week.

I’m running out of extra points!

Ah… no, it’s not going to be easy. I’m going to try to re-coup some of my losses by not eating anything else (after 7:00…) and drink some water. I’m hoping the water will flush some of the crap I just ate out of my system in time for a better weigh in tomorrow.

I’m thinking I’m going up - salt - too much of a good thing.

Crap.

Staying positive that tomorrow will be a good day. Taking it all in stride. Positive thoughts.

*sigh*

Home Weigh In: 206.8

I weighed myself this morning 3 times. I wasn’t getting smaller… in fact I was weighing in heavier.
I’m not impressed with myself at all. I need to buckle down and do something about it.

Today was one of those days where I was bored at work. So I had a whopping big chocolate/sweet craving. I wasn’t particularly hungery. I was craving. 10 minutes go by and I’m still having trouble. I caved and bought chocolate bars. I bought a dark aero bar - by all means “better” for me but still a terrible decision I know. But I’m dealing with it and part of a caramilk rolo chocolate bar. 1 and 1/2 bars - I feel shitty.

Then we had supper. Which I can’t even remember at this moment. Oh right I had 2 chicken fingers, 1 onion ring, 3 curly fries. The fries were hard. So it didn’t make much difference in really wanting them… couldn’t eat them.

Then we had soft ice cream. I really wasn’t going to. But I did. The family is all together for 2 weeks this summer and we went down and had some. It’s so hard to say no. See. Not quiet there yet. I will though.

I am determined.

I can do this. I can do this. This week I’m going to see a loss!

One of the women at the meeting, whom I hadn’t seen in a while had been fighting to lose her last 5 pounds. She did it. She looks great. I’m looking to her for the inspiration that I need to drop the weight and start looking better and feeling better about myself.

I look at myself in the mirror and see that horrid double chin that I had once lost… now it’s back. Crap. Inspiration is looking me in the eye. Right there. I should post a picture of myself on my fridge when I was my heaviest. That would be a pretty darn good deterent.

Last night when we got home, the hubby had cookies and as much as I wanted them… I didn’t. I even had 2 candies in my hand… and in the end I didn’t eat them either. I had one of those moments I have to boast about. I said “no”. Yeah! Me!

Home Weigh-In: 206.2

… but it hits my butt, even if I just look at it. But I didn’t. I ate it.

This past weekend we had company. The hubby picked out 2 pies for dessert. Of course there were leftovers. I ate some of it. There is still one piece in the fridge. Tempting me every time I open the door. Will someone just eat it already!

I haven’t really been charting myself in my little book and that my be just part of the reason my body has ballooned. It’s me. Eating. Not exercising enough. It’s all of it. It’s depressing.

I worked hard at taking it off. I was down to 190.2 pounds. Imagine that. I’d re-sized my rings at the time, and now I can’t get them off my finger. UGH. It’s just a reminder of what I’ve done to myself. It’s no one’s fault but my own. I need to get motivated. I need to start fitting back into my clothes. I have one pair of pants. That’s it. There are many in the cupboard. Only one currently fits.

How sad is that. Which leads me to motivate myself to fit back into them, but depresses me that I actually got back to this point I never wanted to be at… again.