Yup. I’m back. I am back at Weight Watchers and today was my first “Official” day back on the plan. I went to weigh in last night and rocked in at 212.8 pounds. Yes, I’m up and I’m not surprised at all. I’ve been handling things since I last wrote here badly. I was hit and miss with the Weight Watchers and the meetings. I wanted to lose - I hadn’t the willpower. I’d lost the va-va-voom. I felt like shit. I felt like I looked like shit. It’s probably the lowest I’ve felt emotionally in a very long time.

I think the biggie for me was when I went to my closet.

Then proceeded to pack away 2/3rds of it. That totally sucked. It was also I guess that time when I felt the most motivated to turn things around. If you’ve been following along - or not - I’ve been doing this for over 2 years now. When I first started I was kicking my weight in the ass. I got down to 193 for my wedding and I thought that there was no turning back.

With the wedding over - so went my enthusiasm to keep cutting back. Honestly I cheated every now and then and the weight didn’t go back on. I thought I could get away with more and more - and really I was just kidding myself hardcore. So now here I am. Back writing. Back on track. More determined this time. No more “Day One”… “Day Two”… not any of that.

When I was at the meeting last night it was the first of the New Year. My friend (who has been there as long as I have) went back right to the basics - as if she’d never been before. Right back at square one. For her it was coping with it all I suppose. A fresh start is what she needed.

I thought that was brilliant. Why dwell on the past - there is nothing I can do about it. I wanted a fresh start too. So, back to the drawing board - I went back and asked to start over as well. I was persuaded not too (too much paperwork basically) - but I did get my new 10% goal. That’s what I needed. I needed a direction. I needed to feel like this was going to be a journey that would be successful. Basically I needed a goal.

There it was in all it’s ball-point beauty: 191.8

21 Pounds.

So I have my goal. Would that be called a mid-range goal. Yes. I’m taking it all in stride. Here’s where I want to go:

• February 14th: I want to be 199 pounds - I would so love to be under 200 pounds!
• April 29th:  180 pound - it’s a Special day… and I’d love to be “skinny”.
• June 30th: At my goal weight of 163 pounds.

So the biggie is to lose 49.8 pounds.  Lets go with 50 pounds to make me totally happy!  I think 6 months is very realistic and I’m hoping to roll with about 10 pounds loss a month.  This also means I’ve got to step up and do it.

I’m so tired of feeling and looking the way I do - I’m going to do it.  For once in my lifetime I am going to get to my goal weight.  I’m going to get down and look hot and feel great that I will take the big step and go to the beach this summer in my SHORTS!  LOL.  That will be a major breakthrough