Home Weigh In: 206.8

I weighed myself this morning 3 times. I wasn’t getting smaller… in fact I was weighing in heavier.
I’m not impressed with myself at all. I need to buckle down and do something about it.

Today was one of those days where I was bored at work. So I had a whopping big chocolate/sweet craving. I wasn’t particularly hungery. I was craving. 10 minutes go by and I’m still having trouble. I caved and bought chocolate bars. I bought a dark aero bar - by all means “better” for me but still a terrible decision I know. But I’m dealing with it and part of a caramilk rolo chocolate bar. 1 and 1/2 bars - I feel shitty.

Then we had supper. Which I can’t even remember at this moment. Oh right I had 2 chicken fingers, 1 onion ring, 3 curly fries. The fries were hard. So it didn’t make much difference in really wanting them… couldn’t eat them.

Then we had soft ice cream. I really wasn’t going to. But I did. The family is all together for 2 weeks this summer and we went down and had some. It’s so hard to say no. See. Not quiet there yet. I will though.

I am determined.

I can do this. I can do this. This week I’m going to see a loss!

One of the women at the meeting, whom I hadn’t seen in a while had been fighting to lose her last 5 pounds. She did it. She looks great. I’m looking to her for the inspiration that I need to drop the weight and start looking better and feeling better about myself.

I look at myself in the mirror and see that horrid double chin that I had once lost… now it’s back. Crap. Inspiration is looking me in the eye. Right there. I should post a picture of myself on my fridge when I was my heaviest. That would be a pretty darn good deterent.

Last night when we got home, the hubby had cookies and as much as I wanted them… I didn’t. I even had 2 candies in my hand… and in the end I didn’t eat them either. I had one of those moments I have to boast about. I said “no”. Yeah! Me!

Home Weigh-In: 206.2

… but it hits my butt, even if I just look at it. But I didn’t. I ate it.

This past weekend we had company. The hubby picked out 2 pies for dessert. Of course there were leftovers. I ate some of it. There is still one piece in the fridge. Tempting me every time I open the door. Will someone just eat it already!

I haven’t really been charting myself in my little book and that my be just part of the reason my body has ballooned. It’s me. Eating. Not exercising enough. It’s all of it. It’s depressing.

I worked hard at taking it off. I was down to 190.2 pounds. Imagine that. I’d re-sized my rings at the time, and now I can’t get them off my finger. UGH. It’s just a reminder of what I’ve done to myself. It’s no one’s fault but my own. I need to get motivated. I need to start fitting back into my clothes. I have one pair of pants. That’s it. There are many in the cupboard. Only one currently fits.

How sad is that. Which leads me to motivate myself to fit back into them, but depresses me that I actually got back to this point I never wanted to be at… again.

WW Weigh In: 205.8

I honestly hadn’t weighed myself at all the past week. Because it consisted of over-eating and knew exactly where the scale was going. At this weigh in - I pushed over the 2 pound gain mark. How sad is that. The last 2 weeks had been losses. In one week I’d gained it back and then some.

I’m so depressed.

Maybe that’s why I’ve been so hit and miss here. Depressed by gaining the weight all the while I’ve been going to Weight Watchers.

It’s been over a year and a half now.

Since my wedding last July I’m now 13 pounds heavier than last year this time.

I’m still going to Weight Watchers. I go because even though I’m 13 pounds heavier, if I stopped going I know I could easily be 300 pounds. I don’t want to be 300 pounds. This last year I’ve been bobbing and weaving and now I’m over 200. That place I never said I would go.

Here I am.

See my writing today is like a torrential downpour. It’s been a while but I’m glad to be back writing about it.