Weight: 198.4 - :: loss ::

Wow, I’m not even sure where to start … LOL. The weekend was odd and fun. I sang my little heart out at a party, and I’ve been told that I can’t sing… by one person mind you - but it was a total heartbreaker to hear it. But I thought, fuck it I’m going to sing and so I did. Practically all night… good god. It was a blast - I made the point of going out and having a good time. I did. Of course they taped me singing… so heaven help ‘em. But whatever… I had fun.

… btw - I’m down! Also one of my friends’ is coming along to the WW meeting tomorrow. She needs a change and wants to lose a little weight. So I said, come along. So she’ll be checking things out and signing up for a meeting or two (if all goes well).Wish us luck!

Weight: 199.0 - :: gain ::

Ok, today wasn’t a great day for me and my mental stability.  I really honest to god felt completely worthless.  I think I’m totally too tired and not really taking care of myself.  I’ve been stuffing my face for the past couple of days - hello… Chinese food… gah.  WTF?

I’m just not happy.

I think if I try to catch up on my sleep I’ll get back into a better frame of mind.  Because honestly this mindset right now is a complete and utter drag.  I just feel lost.  I’m not up on things that need to be done, I wish I could do somethings and they just get put off again and again… and that lovely thing called money trouble.

yeehaa.

So I think I’m going to try to get some sleep… and not stress out about things.  At least for tonight.

Weight: 198.0 - :: loss ::

This morning when I weighed myself I was totally stoked.  I had lost weight… and I was ready to face the day.  The day went alright up until the late afternoon.  Things got stressful.  I started to eat.  I didn’t stop eating till about 9:00 tonight.  I am so totally an emotional eater… at least tonight.

I am utterly sad.  This month my hubby and I combined our wages into a joint account.  This has totally turned my finances on it’s head.  I’m not sure what to do.  We have A LOT of debt.  His mostly… aquired before we got married… it grew because of us as well… so I’m to blame for not being able to say “NO”.  We’ve got a little trip planned, and it shouldn’t cost too much - but it’s more than what we have.  I don’t think there are any savings either.  It’s a right mess - and I’m eating and eating and eating.

How I hate myself right now.  I know better, I know I need to deal with stress in other ways - but I’m not dealing with it.  I’m eating it away… crap.

I think alot of what I feel, I need to be able to sort out - this is new… to both of us.  I feel like things are getting away from me.  Bills that I have usually paid, haven’t been paid.  That is stressing me.  I can pay them at the end of the month.  But it’s totally out of my rhythm.  I don’t know if I’m angry that things aren’t going well (ie: I’m paying my bills on time)… or the new situation… realizing how much debt we have… me trying not to spend… he still spends.  He seems oblivious at times.  It drives me mental.

But we’ll get it sorted.

Totally off the topic… but it did make me feel good - I can now wedge my fat ass into my size 12 jeans.  They’re stretchy… it could be the brand name… I don’t care.  I was on top of the world!  Tight… no worries!  I’ll stretch them out

Don’t worry about me… I just needed to get that off my chest.   We’ll get it sorted and we’ll start hitting that debt and I’ll start to feel better once we’re into a routine. It just isn’t always a breeze.