Tonight we ordered pizza.  Two large pizzas, one chicken and pesto and one with meat… lots of meat… bacon, sausage, etc.  Both were really good and we also got a side salad to boot.  I really was craving salad… and I had that with 5 slices of pizza.

5 SLICES.

5 FREAKIN’ SLICES.

What was I thinking… or what wasn’t I thinking about.  I’ve been so careful since last weigh in.  I’m totally stoked that I can wear smaller clothes… don’t have quite the double chin I did when I started.  I was motivated.

Then my hunger set in.

Then my brain shut down.

Then I ate 5 slices of pizza.

… then I thought of doing something I’d NEVER thought of doing before.  Against my better judgement… I thought of throwing it all up.

Yes, you heard me right.

Throw it up.  No harm no foul.  I could just get rid of my binge.  Stick a toothbrush down my throat… and away it goes.

I was on my knees in front of the toilet.

… and I stopped.

I had a moment of clarity.

Maybe I was a little scared… of throwing up.  I hate throwing up.  But I was down on my knees contemplating it.

But I didn’t do it.

I’m taking those 5 slices and sticking them directly on my thighs.  Thanks very much.

I messed up today.  I don’t want to be going to an extreme like that.  I know better than that.  So I didn’t.  But what scared me was the fact that it went through my mind, and that I was on my knees in front of the toilet.  Ready. To. Go.

What a wake up call.

I came across this site through another “fat blog”.. and thought it was kind of neat.  You can build a virtual model of yourself and show off just how fat you are without the humiliation of a “real” picture… LOL.

Voila… this is a virtual me.  Not so horrible.  Not so great either.  But I thought it was a neat thing - you can dress your virtual self up and set your height, weight… and then see what the clothes look like on you.  You can get an underwear (default) one, but I liked dressing mine up

The hair isn’t quite right… as to the real me.  But the double chin and big hips… yup, that’s me.

I like to look at this image… and think yup… one day I’m going to be at my goal weight of 160-164 and I can go and shop at ANY store… and buy really cool stuff.  Even put knee boots on.  Because lord knows, I can’t right now because my calves are too big.

One step at a time and I’ll get there.  Must think Positively!

Get your virtual model here: Click Here 

Whoooooot! I’m down 2 pounds this week according to my Weight Watcher’s weigh in. I’m now officially under 210 pounds… I’m so happy I could just do a little happy dance.

Last night I cleared out my closet - sorting out what was too big (go figure!), not so big, or still fits… and boy that was interesting. I think I emptied out most of my closet - and I found a pair of jeans that I’d not been able to wear for over a year - that I put on and guess what… they were loose! Oh my freakin’ god. I felt so good. I’m on my way. All that hard work - setbacks… blah, blah, blah… at that moment - it was all worth it. I’m officially 8.4 pounds down at Weight Watchers (and another 4 from when I started a week before).

It’s a happy day.